Of course, I admire energetic people and their quest to always have a purpose, an activity, something to do. And yes, I envy it just a little.
One of the reasons why Motherhood frightened me was the idea of always being busy, being permanently 'on call' to another person's needs.
Didn't sound like a whole lot of fun. And besides, can you imagine us going from this..
and this...
and this...
To this?
I don't know....But, I guess I've really grown up because a girl is feeling the urge. I want to breastfeed. I want to experience childbirth.
I remember one night a few months ago, my husband and I were riding our bikes to one of our favorite restaurants, American Diner (where Bob Dylan and the blues are on constant rotation). As I trailed behind him, I remember enjoying the inky blackness of the night and the awesome silence. It felt like we were encased in a cocoon of Love and Tranquility and Strength and suddenly I had this thought:
'I'm okay now. I don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm bored with always merely obsessing about myself. How nice it would be if we had someone else to think about.'
I suddenly realized that I finally had enough confidence in the BOTH of us to actually do this, to actually take care of another person and not totally f#*k it up!
Wow. Who knew?
15 comments:
lol love the pictures!
if you ever want to try it out (except for the breastfeeding part, i've got that covered), come on out to fukuoka and i'll introduce you to my babies. ;)
girl, i love this. your honesty just seeps through. what a gift. you are amazing and will make an amazing mother. go for it.
love,
lab
First of all, the pictures are too cute.
Second of all, I'm convinced with all the thinking and analyzing and almost justifying that you do about this whole motherhood thing...I think you'll do AWESOME!!!
Becoming a mother is unlike anything else in the WORLD! Some women aren't cut out for it...and that's just the ugly truth of the matter. THEN there are those, like you (and I guess me), who LONG to have someone depend on them and see the joy (or the potential thereof).
I'm looking forward to that "GUESS WHAT" blog you're gonna share with us one day...hopefully soon. Oh, and best of all...have fun trying!!! :-)
Illahee:
Your little ones are adorable, by the way! And I'm no stranger to little ones. Guess that's been part of the reason for my motherhood delay!
Blackgirl on Mars:
Thanks so much. People have always told me I would make a great mother but I never had the confidence in myself. I didn't think I could teach my children the greatest lesson of all: How to be happy.
Now, I think I can.
Dawn Bibbs:
As far as the 'guess what?', the hubby mentioned (at a Thanksgiving gathering, no less) that we would probably start trying the minute when we get off the plane (in America).
So I guess that means come August 2008, its ON!
Don't you love it when those big realizations just hit you?
I haven't got "the urge" yet and I don't think babies are in my future, but I do enjoy being the cool aunt and stepmother. I'm looking forward to being an Auntie Mame character in my dotage(lol).
From what I can tell from reading your blog, you've got the makings of an awesome mom!
Haha, I love your idea of the after. Hopefully motherhood can be lots of fun for you :)
Love the pictures! I'm also more of a be-er than a do-er... so I completely get that one.
I'm a bit too old for the breastfeeding thing. Any child you have will be lucky to have a be-er mother. :)
i like your honesty too. and congratulations on this newfound confidence.
what a neat place to be :)
[thanks for your comment... sometimes i'm too honest... if that's possible]
Tami:
"Don't you love it when those big realizations just hit you?"
Yeah. Feels real good.
Big momma pimpalishishness:
I'm sure gonna try to have fun while doing it (motherhood). I don't want to transfer stress and unhappiness to my children.
Thailandchani:
Advantage to being a be-er:
I think Be-ers keep their looks longer. No stress will do that for you!
Martha Elaine Belden:
Honesty is such a cool drink of water! Ahhh!
TOO honest? Is it possible? I don't know! But keep doing your thing! For every one who CAN'T understand you, there is someone who WILL!
DMB,
Wow. When I feel any sort of motherly instinct I usually just go and buy another plant.
They are a big responsibility to me, especially orchids.
So since caring for an orchid can sometimes be overwhelming for me, I don't think I'm going to be ready for an actual human baby for quite some time!
However I love that you are feeling the transitions in your life and are so aware of them.
Many people just stumble through life doing things without thought or reason.
So Brava!
How exciting...thinking about having a baby!
Go for it, DMB :-)
Loved the pictures...too cute.
That is just such a cool realization!!! When you realize that you've had enough of YOU (although once you're a parent you know that you still must find plenty of You Time) and are ready for another human to take care of. It's really an amazing thought!
i LOVE those pictures!! i need to do a post like that someday...the contrast of then and now!
dmb--i was kinda looking for a few hours to myself! ;)
j/k of course, but if you do ever find yourself in my area...
"i was kinda looking for a few hours to myself! ;)"
Oops, kind of slow on the uptake, ain't I? Hah!
no no, not really. my first comment sounds like i'm assuming you have no experience with kids. sorry, that wasn't my intention! :D
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